Searching for Perfection
In the quest to become healthy/skinny/ fit/ diet/ change your life we are seeking some idea of perfection. Some kind of better life we imagine at the end of the journey. That everything will be perfect, so much better, if I’m______. My original goal was to lose weight for a wedding, to look really good in the photos. When I transformed my body, and life, my goals evolved. My interest in becoming “perfect” became an obsession. I lost weight, but I still didn’t look like “her” (pick whomever is your body type dream). So, my workouts got harder, my dieting more strict. I wanted to have a better figure than I did….much like when I was obese.
I started my weight loss journey 6 years ago, and have had many, many ups and downs, trials and tribulations. I still never felt good enough, lean enough, cut enough, trim enough. I had this idea in my head that my life would be perfect after I lost the weight-like the only thing that was holding me back from having a great job, love, good friends, or money was my weight. Then reality set in.
When you lose 150 pounds your entire world changes, inside and out. You feel differently about yourself, others view you differently (some better, some worse). There are so many changes in a short period of time, it is overwhelming. Men looked at me differently, women treated me differently…friends acted differently.
I was in a couple (yes, more than one) of really bad car accidents, I got my heart broken repeatedly, I went through long stretches without employment, my weight went up and down. Losing weight did not change the fact that life is hard, and certainly not fair. So, I have had to continually work on me, how I think about myself, and the world around me. Realize that who I am, right this very second, is perfect for me.
I’m not saying it’s easy, but I am in a better “headspace” about how I feel about my body, my looks, my life. I will always try as hard as I can to be healthy, strong, kind, compassionate and funny.
So I am the best version of Tracy that I have ever been. My perfection now is wonderful friends, an amazingly supportive boyfriend, a job I love because I help others and continuing to learn and grow every day.