Kendra’s Weight Loss Journey
My first week of working out with Tracy was intense, in a few different ways.
First – Tracy and I met for an assessment of my needs and I was deeply touched by her concern for and commitment to my health. She is coming from a knowing, loving place and I really appreciate that. I’ve met with trainers who were very clearly motivated by money and Tracy isn’t like that, she’s the real deal!
Second – Just showing up for CrossFit was a gift to me. That doesn’t mean it was comfortable. I felt fat and uncoordinated. It’s hard to start working out when you have so much weight to lose, because when you’re heavy you become expert at hiding from what you’ve done to yourself. Too often, when we feel that emotional discomfort, we create a physical reason and give up. So it wasn’t comfortable, but I worked out any way and I felt wonderful!
Third – Working out hard makes you really think about what you’re eating. You start to change calories into currency. Is this worth the purchase cost of more squats to get the results? You start to see food as fuel, since you’re getting your emotional “fix” from movement.
I’m so fortunate to work out with Tracy!
I am happy to report that I only worked out with Tracy twice this week, as I will be traveling to Wisconsin to visit my daughter’s family on Friday. I have a 6 month old granddaughter who is the most beautiful, wonderful, happy, sweet, loving, joyful baby in the world. She is part of the reason I work out when I don’t feel like it. Holding her, walking while carrying her, being able to run around and play with her all require good health. I will keep working out, no matter what.
I am so grateful that I have been able to convey my purpose to Tracy, and then she figures out all of the workouts. I just have to suit up, show up and work out.
I’m really enjoying the stretching after the workouts as well.
I am not so happy to report that I worked out once this week, as I was ill. I definitely missed it though. Tracy has been supportive, I know that she’s a phone call away. I’m still thinking of my food differently, in terms of fuel, and for that I’m grateful. Also appreciate the fact that when we talk during my workout, if I mention something (it was about replenishing my electrolytes after a workout) she finds articles, links and recipes to send me without even asking me about it. I just checked my phone after we said goodbye, and there was all the information that I needed. I like working with someone who offers such high quality service.
A 3 workout week! Squats are my new bff (best frienemy forever) and Tracy assigns them like she’s getting paid by the international squat commission. I’m making some pretty funny noises when I go up the stairs in my house. And I think that’s fantastic. I love the combination of aerobic (rowing) and building muscle (squats, dumbbells, kettle ball, push ups) that CrossFit offers. I started out at a very high body weight. And if I can do it, anybody can! Also, I’m hooked on the feel good that comes about 15 minutes into the workout.
I’ve noticed a few things this week. Like my body is getting stronger, it takes more for me to feel like I’m sore from my workout. And, quite honestly, that my mind feels weaker sometimes. I want to quit, I say it’s too far to drive, or that I’m too heavy. But I have to be honest, I feel like that after I ate like shit. Working out and not changing your diet is not a good idea. Sometimes I eat and hide it, but it shows up in my workout. I’m uncomfortable but I’m going to keep going.
I started crying while I was working out. Like the ugly cry, snot and lots of tears. Sometimes my gratitude for Tracy is overwhelming. She’s kind and patient, but pushes me without being obnoxious. Which is good. I don’t do obnoxious.
I am doing workouts that I dreamed about, that I hoped for. And that I never would have tasked myself with doing. Does that make sense?
I’ve known that motion changes emotions, that we work out the emotional burdens we carry when we work out. But it’s happening for me. I’m relieved. I’m uncomfortable. I’m just going to keep going.
This week, we didn’t meet because I was in Milwaukee with my daughter’s family. Even though I have a long way to go – I have over one hundred pounds to lose yet – I’m still so happy for every minute of every workout, and every morsel of every bit of healthy food that I’ve chosen so far! I was able to play with and take care of my 7 month old granddaughter in a way that would have been impossible before I started working with Tracy. How will she ever know what she’s given to me?
We met 3 times this week. I met my new bff – best fitness frienemy – deadlifts. It’s a love-hate relationship! Again, twice this week I ate some sweets. Both times I had trouble sleeping that night. I’m glad and pissed off about knowing this, because knowledge is power. But sweets were my drug of choice for a very long time. I know this emotional discomfort is from the change. I know that there’s a big difference between it being painful, and harmful. That doesn’t make it less painful. Sometimes I still obsess about food, thinking about how I could sneak it. Which begs the question – from whom? I’m the only person making my body move on the rowing machine. I’m the only one lifting the weights. I’m the only one living in this body. I deserve to be comfortable.
More than a few people have been surprised that I’m doing CrossFit, at my weight and fitness level. I’ve been kind of surprised by what I’ve been able to do! I did hit a wall with planks though. Not because of my size, but because last year I had cervical cancer and had a radical hysterectomy. After 5 rounds of 30 second planks on Friday I have felt some pain in my scar tissue on my belly.